humility

photo by tim halberg


i love how peaceful and calm i look in this picture. the soft light and touches of nature.
that is not how i feel inside right now. i feel dread. and apprehension. and like i would give ANYTHING right now to be comfortable, stagnant, habitual, stuck...isn't it crazy how when we are being stretched and pushed and challenged to our limits we want to crawl back in the hole that we so desperately wanted to get out of in the first place?

this is a reminder to myself that if i am not moving forward, if i am staying the same and never changing, then i am not the person i want to be. i want to be better, i want to be wiser, and i want to be quieter in my strength. although i am not very good at quieting my challenges, fears and tears, i hope that as i grow, i will feel a quiet centering in my gut. that i won't feel the need to air my successes as quickly as i air my defeats. that i will walk in humility, knowing that i failed and stumbled so much along the way.

i am proud of myself in some ways, and so disappointed in myself in others. it's a give and take, i guess.