rated R for language.

uhhhhh.........
i'm pretty sure this is not what i signed up for.
THIS being:
7 boys and 1 girl who won't look me in the eye while i am talking, or look at me at all. mostly out the window, at their feet or in their binders.
boys who challenge every. single. thing. i say, refuting logic, just to get a rise out of me, and leave me flustered for an hour (it usually works).
boys who say they are bored and wish they were somewhere else and this is so stupid and why do they have to do this and they aren't learning by writing this on the board and can they leave early and can they go to the bathroom and then i'm a bitch when i say no.
miles of paperwork that needs to be completed daily, just to say that i showed up and attempted to fill an entire hour with these kind little people.
feeling tears well up at the end of every day, and feeling a pit in my stomach when i wake up in the morning.
uh oh. when people used to ask what i wanted to do or be, i never could answer...however i ALWAYS knew what i DIDN'T want to be. (can you guess? hint: teacher)
and haven't i always sworn to high heaven that i would never find myself living a life that i didn't enjoy? that no amount of money could make up for an unhappy job?
i am hoping, and PRAYING, even though i don't do that much anymore, that on the last day of school this year, i find myself saying "that was the hardest, and most rewarding year of my life". because so far, it's only looking like the hardest. and it would be such a BUMMER if on that last day of school i found myself wanting to say a big FUCK YOU instead.