facebook....

after my evening with the women (some of whom do not have facebook---imagine; hip, hot, young women without facebook! they have lives that fascinate me, lives that i can't stalk or obsess over), i came home and stared at my facebook. i have always disliked the idea of having so many friends on there, just to have friends. or accepting any request that comes my way because i went to high school with them, or met them at a party once.
SOOO.....
i started pairing down. trimming away. this is how i was guiding my decisions: if i got rid of my facebook account, who are the people i would notice were not in my life, who would i want to know what i was up to. whos name would i even REMEMBER once i did not see it on facebook everyday. it was hard, because there were some people that i had to stop and think if we were really friends. because i see their status updates almost daily, i feel like i really know them, their kids, their husband. it occurred to me that i was "holding on" to facebook friendships on false pretenses. then i had to look deeper and admit to myself that i had some people as friends simple so that i could stalk them, envy them, stare at them, wish i was them and had their life...an absolutely guilty indulgence that i allowed myself on facebook. i took them off too. and if i had not seen or spoken to them in more than a long while, i took them off.
this was not meant to be hurtful or vengeful. just healthier....i love facebook. i do not think i am ready to do the whole no-facebook thing, i just love it too much. but by forcing myself to think about who i want in my life and recognizing that i actually do have a choice, was a good exercise for me.
i envy the women that do not have facebook, because i think of how much time they must have, and i wonder how they are filling their time. they must only be pursuing the relationships that are necessary and important to them, because they would have no reason to call up a high school acquaintance and see what they are doing on a wednesday night. they must be confident and self-assured enough that they do not need this social network to define them or make them feel exciting or worthy.
just feels good to look a little closer, examine a little deeper....