life has been kinda funny lately. i feel boring, and a little scared about this diligent work schedule i'm under. i am determined not to lose the wanderlust i carry so deeply and firmly at my core. i am determined to make time for traveling in my life. throughout my week i had moments of anxiety, afraid that i will never be loved and will never be able to find someone i want to share my journey with. but then i also experienced moments (usually right after the previous moments) where i just felt calm. nothing really matters but right now. the past is the past. can't be changed. the future hasn't been told yet, and there is no real way of predicting how things will go. RIGHT NOW is what counts. how freely i let myself dance. how fast i let myself run. how relaxed i let myself get. how i feel right now, in the moment, and in THIS moment only.
of course we need to plan, and of course the future matters. but how much fuller all those big moments feel when we are tuned into the smaller moments that make up those big moments. when we are grounded and certain in who we are.
i can become so gripped by expectations and consequences. i will still challenge myself to take risks, to push through the painful parts and dance through the joyful ones. how awful the thought of letting myself grow calloused and hardened to the ups and downs of life, or even worse: to become unmoving, unfeeling, and shut off. i want to be someone who is going through life turned on, absorbing what i'm experiencing; bringing depth and lightness in my step.
1 comment:
Many times... you take exactly how I am feeling and put it in words better than I ever could. You are an amazing girl.
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