syd's reminder to me.
those are the words that you will find on my tiny index card that i mentally created this weekend at esalen. i feel really different. it's hard to feel like i will even come close to being able to adequately express how i feel after that experience. my heart is full and hopeful and so inspired i can hardly breathe. i am impressed by all my workshop-mates. i am moved by how quickly it went from just attending a seminar with 17 people to actually holding and honoring each other's deep hard work and providing a family and community to weep and laugh and dance with. it has been a LONG time since i have felt anything close to that. it resembles a few of my years in a tight knit church community, although this time it took place in under 2 days. incredible.
i drove home thinking and mulling over how repressed my spirit has been. i felt the layers unraveling as i worked through this and had others ask me and touch me and listen to me and understand me....sometimes with no words. i was challenged with so many things that triggered my weaknesses and insecurities. walking around naked and sitting in the hot springs baths with my dear new (and old) friends was, to be honest, frightening at first. moving forward and through that felt like running through mud. not easy. not quick. but slowly, by the time we had to leave, my spirit was on its way to soaring. i grabbed a last opportunity to dance to the african beat that a sweet little band was playing on the fire pit deck. i really love to dance! i have always known this and kept it tight and bundled up close to my heart. but the difference is that now, i am a person that loves to dance. and i am not compromising that.
i am profoundly hopeful by those beautiful souls i collided with. i feel alive and i feel ready. and my mind is in such a healthier and more productive space this way.
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