rainy day schedule

It's a wonderfully cold and rainy day. these are so rare for where we live. and i sure do have the rainy day blues. i am having fun living somewhere new, anticipating new things, curling up in my new bed at night. but there is alway something a little disorienting and lonely in the process of moving. i guess it's that trigger word, "change". i am so acutely aware of what i have lost and what i no longer have. i am so aware of feeling like i am in the same place while everyone around me--especially the ones that matter here--moves on fluidly and finally.
there is room for so much more in my life, but i am staying still, a little bit out of fear, a little bit out of pride, and a little bit out of defensiveness. i turn inward more and more as time goes on. i let less people in, and find reasons to shut people out. there is nothing glamorous or powerful about creating the loneliness in my life. there is nothing special about having fewer and fewer people to talk to.
but every day, i know i gotta choose to bring life into the space where i am. i can decide that i will be a safe place for others, or at least an honest place. there are areas of my life that feel more rooted than before. how can i overlook that? i am so grateful for that! i finished my first quarter of grad school unscathed (well....i guess that's debatable) and even though i still don't know what the hell i'm doing, i'm just doing it anyways. and next on my list: buy another plane ticket, somewhere far away.