FOOD

i eat to decompress. to relax. to make my mind go numb. it's a way of turning myself off, my mind off. it fills a space in me that keeps me alert if not filled. so i snack. and eat when i'm not hungry. and literally shovel food into my mouth--almost like a drug. i start thinking about it and then i can't get it out of my head until it's desires are met. i eat fast and i eat a lot. i want to achieve my buzz, my high, quickly and for a long time. my buzz is feeling full--so full you can't move or hardly breathe. so full it is like i am sitting on a cushy couch, surrounded by soft pillows and enveloped in warmth and comfort that is paralyzing. so full i have to lay down after a lot of my meals. i doubt anyone would see this as a problem since i'm not grossly overweight. however there's a heath--physical and emotional--aspect that needs to be resolved. there's got to be a balance with this.
i love food. i adore it. i spend a lot of time thinking about it and consuming it. but i've noticed a pattern that needs to stop. this week i will try to find a balance. i will eat slower, eat less, and stop when i'm full (that is, assuming i even know where that point is anymore). i will exercise regularly so my body sustains a healthy feeling state, and see how i feel with a little less food in it. i will stop and close my eyes when i start obsessing and planning out meals in my head. i will eat when i'm hungry--and savor every bite--and stop when i'm full.
and then move on.
will i feel any different? will i care? will i fail immediately when i drive by one of my many favorite food stops and shove a "treat" (but of course it's not longer a treat when it's the 3rd "treat" of the day) into my mouth? will i learn how to pay better attention to the needs of my body and what it might be telling me, as well as emotionally?
let's find out...