today i treated myself to some brazilian coffee chocolate chip ice cream in a waffle cone. i don't drink coffee...this is more my style. it's weird just getting up in the mornings and doing little tasks and suddenly it's night time and i haven't had a single one on one connection with anyone all day long. then i drown myself in some tv show online that i can let wrap and cover and coat and distract me and my mind. i am glad my life will have some obvious meaning soon, or at least what i feel like is meaningful. grad school is creeping up on me and as i look at these assignments to write papers on my family and the relationships i've experienced and how to make a client feel safe in a session...i can't help but feel so underqualified for this. who am i kidding. i would so much rather be the one on the couch. but this is all part of the moving forward, moving up, moving out, moving TOWARDS, rather than staying in this little circle i've drawn around myself. it feels really good knowing i will know something soon. maybe it is me i will know better. maybe it is other people i will know better. maybe it is just knowing everything will turn out ok that i will know better, and more confidently than ever before. i find myself day dreaming and scheming up lovely scenarios for my life, rather than spending whole days dwelling on the past.
i live a really good life. i am really aware of this today.
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