here's a secret: i have a girl crush. see above. but really this post is about body image. it's so hard to see images like this and not feel like i need to drop about 20 lbs and be at the gym for at LEAST 90 minutes a day. at LEAST. i see pictures of myself sometimes and am so mean to me. i silently scold myself for eating that pasta, or that extra cookie. i shame myself into this mental prison that i know is unhealthy and just wrong. but i can't seem to stop doing it. i seem to have my ups and downs like every normal woman in the world, but i hate how much time i spend wishing my body looked like THAT instead of THIS. i am fairly active, although not as much as i would like. for example, i spent about 2 hours tonight thinking about going for a run. i lay in bed and mapped out my run in my head, and even mentally pulled out my running clothes from my closet. but nothing actually happened. i am still in bed, and still enjoying this lovely music and warm blanket. so i am a little torn: i would like to have a lovely body that i can embrace and love (flaws and all, people), but i would also love to just give it a rest; all this shaming and blaming myself doesn't do me any good. it doesn't even get me out of bed to exercise!! now if that's not a pointless thing to drop then i don't know what is.
this is an ongoing struggle...and i imagine i will be struggling with it for a while. i am a therapist--i know full well what kind of damage we can do by tearing ourselves down and punishing our bodies in different ways....it is really hard and sad to see in young women. i support and uplift them, encourage and teach them to embrace themselves. and yet here i lie, still critical and still conflicted. i want to like what i have, and i also want her body. i want to feel good about myself, and i also want her body....it goes on and on. yuck.
so here's to embracing what i got, (maybe even flaunting it sometimes, am i right?) and putting a stop to this terrible negative self-talk that only perpetuates the struggle.
*real women have curves* ;)
1 comment:
Girl! I am with you! I have come so far too... losing almost 50 pounds in the last couple of years. Yet... I look at you and wish I could have your body. You are SO beautiful! I do appreciate how far I have come though and the progress I have made. Just doesn't ever seem to be good enough.
In other words... my word verification is "cloging" which makes me want to start tap dancing again.
By the way... this is Tracy Mills... I am signed in on a different account so you can't click on my name and go to my blog... but its me and I adore you and hope to see you next time I am in town... for reals this time. ;)
Love,
Tracy
http://tracyjeanmills.blogspot.com/
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