i feel like i am just gliding along, barely stopping. barely sitting. i hate talking about this but i am so frustrated with myself and my critical sentiments towards my body. it's exhausting and just simply silly. I see so many gorgeous, hot, sexy, attractive women every day that are shaped very differently than me, on both ends of the spectrum, and i just think how beautiful they are. i don't find flaws in them. i can't find them. even if i squint. but all it takes is looking at myself in one wrong position and i'm feeling like i wish i could take my head off and put it on another body. a flawLESS one. but that doesn't exist. and even if it did, i'm fairly certain i wouldn't even like it. so there you go. i irritate myself.

also, my mind has been wandering around God these days. i don't even really know what to say about this, because i don't quite have words for it myself. i am going with it. not fighting it, and have learned to just stay open and curious. i may start going back to church. i may not.....but it's something new to think about and i welcome that as much as any other important thing. in the meantime, i will pull out a few oldie but goodie worship songs and enjoy the familiar rush that goes through me--even now--when i hear those songs. no amount of time has affected the way those songs affect me. no matter what i believe. it's the craziest thing, but it's grounding. and makes me want to dance.

one last thing: i am leaving for boston in 9 days and i can hardly keep still about it. i think about it at least 4 times an hour. i can't wait to get on that plane, final papers and clients behind me, and fly away far. i am looking foward to long, aimless days, walking til my feet ache, coffee shop stops, reading in the park, and lots of time of solitude. it's a loong time coming.