i have strep throat. my week proved to be just entirely too much for my body to handle, apparently.
and as a somewhat negative response to my last post, i am not feeling so excited about my career choice at the moment. i don't know what i'm doing, i feel incompetent and scared, small and shy. turns out our shadows don't leave us when we take steps out of our comfort zone. I feel pulled towards my past, like a magnet. it is scary and exhausting to keep moving forward and GROWING. isn't growth kind of overrated? it's so easy to look back. to reach back. to step back.
i am also so very antsy. my dreams are filled with tents, campfires, redwoods, pines, and a warm cozy sleeping bag weighed down with blankets. i physically ache to GO....road trip, camping, trip out east, anything. it is really hard to accept that part of being in grad school and getting busy-er also means i can't get up and leave on a whim like i used to. i guess i need to remember how frustrated and directionless i felt before, and not glamorize my boring life.
i'm confused. i can't quite put my finger on it. but it's just how i feel.